Thursday, August 23, 2012

Another...Keeping it real!!!

First of all, I would like to welcome back another school year.  It came back dispite my protests.  It hasn't been as awful as I feared though.  (Did I just say that out loud?)  My kids are doing reallyreally great so far.  I am a 'preparer'  I've learned it's best to be ready and not need it, than to be scrambling last minute trying to clean up a preventable mess.  So I MAY have done some unnecessary prevention work for my kids...but ain't it great to be wrong about that stuff?  GO DELUCA KIDS!!!! 

Sammy however is pretty miserable.  Poor guy has had to wait an whole TWO weeks to start school after everyone else.  It's genuinely tough to be little and watch everyone else go off to school when he is soooo excited about going back to his beloved Co-Op.  Let's just say the 'Popcicle Social' on Monday to meet his teacher was the highlight of the month of August so far!!  As predicted, the new schedule has left him a bit disregulated, but I DO think I'm getting better at this!! pays!!

                                       MY BABIES (MINUS SAMMY) ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

I also wanted to share a REALLY great keeping it real post!  I'm by far NOT the best blogger...but I have gotten alot of wonderful responses and 'thank you's' for my honesty about our difficult second adoption,  our first adopted son 'spiral' after bringing home our second, our experiences with attachment disorders ect....  Unfortunately, I do think there is a painful shortage of those willing to be real and share the difficulties of adoption.  But MANY of us need to know it's normal, it's ok, it passes, and there IS someone out there to reach out to.  We are still growing and learning in our house.  It's a rollercoaster.  But I am more confident, my spouse and I are more on the same page; we have more and more family member that I THINK 'believe us' that this IS real, attachment disorders do exist and it's not just my bad parenting.  (yes, I have had that said to me)  All of it helps.  However, my point is...THIS post is very well written...we have experienced everything this woman expresses and I'd love to add a few paragraphs from our four walls.  I would have LOVED to have read this about a year and a half ago!!!  I'm providing a link to the entire post...and below is my favorite highlight!!  I hope someone reads this and finds comfort, inspiration and knowledge!!

 You  need to remember how your dear social worker told you on your 3-month visit, as she looked into your bloodshot eyes and you burst into tears, that attachment takes time…for everyone. Adoption is not the normal way, biology is, which helps us love that screaming, no-sleeping baby just madly, irrationally. But in adoption, it takes everyone time to fall in love.

And that’s okay.

So in those first few stages, you might feel like you are raising someone else’s hysterical kid. You might be chockfull of resentment, anger, disappointment, and regret. Love may feel elusive, even impossible for awhile. You might wonder if God called you to something then left you.

Normal, dear ones. So very normal. You are not a terrible person, nor is your new son or daughter a lemon. There is so much hope for everyone.

I read this paragraph by
Melissa Fay Greene on the first year of adoption, and I’ve never forgotten it:

"Put Feelings on a back-burner. This is not the time for Feelings. If you could express your feelings right now, you’d be saying things like, “Oh my God, I must have lost my mind to think that I can handle this, to think that I wanted a child like this. I’ll never manage to raise this child; I’m way way way way over my head. I’ll never spend time with my spouse or friends again; my older children are going to waste away in profound neglect; my career is finished. I am completely and utterly trapped.” You see? What’s the point of expressing all that right now? Put Feelings in the deep freeze. Live a material life instead: wake, dress, eat, walk. Let your hands and words mother the new child, don’t pause to look back, to reflect, or to experience emotions. “Shut up, Emotions,” you’ll say. “I’ll check back with you in six months to see if you’ve pulled yourselves together. But no whining meanwhile!”

Here is the good news: eventually, you can pull Feelings from the deep freeze, and you’ll discover surges of genuine love sneaking up on you for this kid. You’ll find out: Oh! He’s funny! She’s sassy! He’s good at science! She is compassionate! I had no idea! You’ve mothered with your hands and words, and God did the heavy lifting, just like He promised. You don’t have to be a miracle worker; that has always been God’s territory. You just have to be the ordinary disciple who says yes.

Is adoption easy? No it is not. Is this simple? Nope. Complicated and long-term. Will bonding be immediate and seamless? Maybe, but probably not. Will you struggle with guilt and fear that first year? Yes, but you shouldn’t. You’ve agreed to partner with God in some difficult, heart-wrenching work, and it’s no kum-by-yah party. Give grace to yourself; God already has.

Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting through, and adoption is one of them. I can hardly think of something closer to God’s character, who is the “Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy.” Certainly, we are his difficult children who spaz out and pull away and manipulate and struggle. We distrust His good love and sabotage our blessings, imagining our shame disqualifies us or that God couldn’t possibly be faithful to such orphans.

But He is. We are loved with an everlasting love, and it is enough to overwhelm our own fear and shame and humanity. In adoption, God is enough for us all. He can overcome our children’s grief. He can overshadow our own inadequacies. He can sweep up our families in a beautiful story of redemption and hope and healing. If you are afraid of adoption, trying to stiff-arm the call, God is the courage you don’t have. If you are waiting, suffering with longing for your child, God is the determination you need. If you are in the early days of chaos, God is the peace you and your child hunger for. If your family feels lost, He is the stability everyone is looking for. If you are working hard on healing, digging deep with your child, God is every ounce of the hope and restoration and safety and grace.

In Him, you can do this.

He is enough for us all.

Where are you in adoption, and how has God shown Himself to be enough? Our stories give each other hope and courage. Thank you for being truth-tellers for one another.

AND, if this tiny glimpse leaves you hungry for is the link for the whole post...which is equally as yummy!!


Friday, August 10, 2012

Happy Gotcha Day Sweet Sammy

In some ways the last three years have flown by and it feels like  you just came home, but most of the time I don't remember life before and it feels like you've been here forever....

You defiently taught what all the fuss about a "Mamma's boy" was.  It only took about 5 minutes actually.  They'd coached you to say "I love you Mamma and Babba" in English, and you were obviously quite proud, and my heart was obviously gone.... handsome guy can still get on his Gotcha Day shirt....and is the source of MANY of my funniest tales. His personality is such a HOOT! AND is Mamma is as crazy about him as ever, and is wrapped around that charming little finger most days!!!   We LOVE you sweet boy....more than you know, and for all the ups and downs, smiles and tears, growth and groans...I'd do it again in a second!  We just can't wait to see what God has in store for you!!!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

PLEASE don't go....DON'T go....

OH, sweet summer!  How I love thee!!! 

Every summer I get the 'back to school blues'.  Don't get me wrong, there is a lot to be excited about.  New things for the kids to learn and discover.  But I LIKE having layed back days  with the kiddo's.  We ban all extracurricular activities during the summer.  Just maybe 1 camp per kid and that's it.  We hang out...ride bikes, play with neighborhood friends, go to the pool, the park, play sidewalk chalk.  It's kind of heavenly.  Even with 'the ban'...we still end up running and going more than I intend...appointments!...getting 5 kids caught up with dentist, check ups, and SB clinics, regular pt/ot stuff...still BUSY...but at least there's no sports/drama/running to school 3 x a day...which gives us LOTS of fun times!!!

SO, I get the back to school blues.....  sniff, sniff......

PLUS, Sammy tends to get all out of sorts with schedule changes so I have to 'toughen up' and anticipate ALOT of melt downs, and tough times with his attachement issues.  Poor guy!  We will need to do lots of attachment work to help him cope with him new routine and everyone elses's new comings and goings.

BUT, we do want to be here's lot of photo's of all the fun we've been having!!  I'm including the May wedding of my nephew in Florida that we just got the pics of...JUST LOVELY!!!  My family was beautiful if I may say so myself ;)  AND a fabulous meeting of some adoption friends!  Our children are from the same orphanage in Jiangsu China...and when we traveled for Will, we took gifts for this families daughter Kimi.  I had a wonder meeting with her and have stayed in contact via phone, email, and yahoo groups!  They traveled through our town via the interstate while vacationing and we met for an afternoon and picnic lunch!  What a blessing and a joyous afternoon!

I hope everyone has a great last few weeks of summer...soak it in friends, it's slipping through our fingers!!  and may all your children LOVE their new teachers and new school years!!!  PRAYERS for nothing but the good stuff!!!

Oh yeah,  I bet you noticed I gotta a tattoo...yes you read correctly...a tattoo.  It's a long story, but the short of it is I've wanted one since I was 25, but my VERY conservative hubby has alway squished that idea QUICKLY!!  For some reason, her pulled in the tattoo parlor on vacation and said "go for it" I did.   and yes, it hurt, and yes I like what if I'm a 40 year old inked Mamma!!! hahaha!

Jessa was in "Seuscial the Muscial"  that's her in the orange!  It of course, was fabulous and I was a very proud Mamma!!

                                                  Crazy face painting at an adoption fund raiser! 

                                              These three all had their start at the same modest orphanage in Huaian China...but BOY look at them now!

                                                   Myra and Kimi, Kentucky July 2012
                                       Myra and Kimi, Huaian China January 2011
As many of you know, we adopted mamma's, like our families big!  This play date only had 4 mamma's claiming this big group of kids!  But boy did we have fun!!!!

                                       Like many of you, we too had a CRAZY heat wave this summer and did just about anything to stay cool!
                                                     Yes...I HAD to buy this sign and it's now hanging in my basement!