Keeping it real.....part 3

AWWWW..keeping it real posts. These always feel heavy, liberating, necessary. I'm very sentimental, and reflective right now. Today's Will birthday!!!!! My baby's five ...his FIRST birthday with a family. I've been an emotional fool the last few days. I've wanted to see him smile - BIG and frequently, and so far so good. It's the simple stuff when they are little. Line leader at preschool, McDonald's date all by himself with mom and a trip to Toys R Us to pick out ANYTHING he wanted. (it's still safe to do that when your 5) He's napping now...but he still has alot to come..."noodles" for dinner (his fav - Lo Mein) and 'Matter' Cake for dessert (translation - Pixar "Cars" movie...you know, Lightning McQueen and Tow Mater???)

It's hard to believe it's been a full year since he's joined our family...WOW, a year. It's been a hell of a ride. He's come sooo far, we all have. I could easily sit here and candy coat it for you...hit the highlights, focus on only the positive...but if I did, I wouldn't have titled it "keeping it real" huh? Truth is, this has been one of the most challenging years of my life. I'd do it again in a heart beat....but there were times I wondered if my sanity, marriage, and finances were going to make it. It's been a big year....there have days even weeks that I've convinced myself that I must have been crazy for doing THIS. Times when I was just SICK of APPOINTMENTS... doctors appts, for Spina Bifida, for ADHD for Asthma, OT appts PT exercises, breathing treatments and 3 or 4 trips to the school a day, and organizing everyones schedule and falling asleep everytime I sit down, and not having seen an adult movie in 6months, giving up bathing so I can answer emails and read blogs, the VOLUME of noise in my house, constantly hearing "MOMMY", the never ending laundry, my house never ever ever being clean, the damn budget...did I mention I have a job??? when I think if I didn't have so many kids we could travel and have the house paid off...and God was INSANE when He thought I could handle this!!!!!....weeks when I felt so damn selfish and the thoughts in my head where soooo far from Christian....My husband was useless, and how can I try this hard and my kids be so ill behaved and FIGHT all the time and scream everytime I leave the room...God wouldn't cross my mind for days. I hated it all....I felt alone, overwhelmed and sick of faking it!!! Because Lord knows when you CHOOSE to have five kids you better put on a happy face and be the best darn mother around....if you complain or have a bad day, you get that half smile "LOOK"..... OR sometimes if your related they can just come right out and say it.......

"What did you think would happen you adopted all those kids"....it was a very lonely year at times

BUT then......You get on your knees and count your blessings.....you ask for strength......you remind yourself WHY..... you see it in their faces....in their toothless grins....their morning snuggles....bedtime stories....Saturday night dance parties under the disco ball....homemade "I love you" cards....Thursday night "vampire diary" dates.....Stories of "the first kiss".......Walks to Starbucks....Watching them ride their bikes for the first time......Jump roping in the front yard....Watching a boy who had NOTHING just weeks ago get his first bike......Gotcha Day Celebrations.....Celebrating first birthdays with a family...

THEN you Dust off your knees, wipe your tears, focus on what matters and realize God didn't say it would be easy....He just said He would be there.....

BRING IT ON 2012!!!!!! I'M FEELIN BULLET PROOF!