Growing, Learning....and great improvements!!!!

We've been hard at work here in our house for what feels like a veryveryveryveryvery long time.  We've been rewarded with some wonderful progress lately...REAL progress...stuff you feel in your heart is different....the good stuff....the STUFF you've been waiting for....praying for

Behavior changes are easy to report..less hitting, no rages, less tantrums, sleeping through the night ect....they have predictable...sort of..OK not really...they have been 2 steps forward, 1 step back...then 3 steps back and 4 steps forward...a good month here, then a crash and burn for weeks...sometimes explainable, sometimes not.  We have tried our best to parent through it...I've failed horribly at times and just turned the whole thing over to faith and the Lord...I've celebrated and crumbled...as you know it's been a big strain on our family at times.  But we have been so blessed with sure wonderful kids...such amazing boys, it's hard to give up.

But I feel so joyous inside about something that's just hard to explain....it's like the day you realize the terrible two's are gone...hard to explain, but your child has just changed...their different.  This isn't like a 'maturity' thing...it's like the tools, the therapy, it's clicked...my SWEETSWEET Sammy suddenly seems calmer, safer, more secure in our home...it really bring me to tears to type this...it's a small healing of his heart, what we pray for...

The few months we did some BIG things in therapy and at home...we started home school. I think this was a GREAT decision for Sammy...he's been much calmer and has learned tons!!!  He 's so very smart...spelling and sight reading in just 6 weeks...Mamma is so very proud!!

We put him back on a bottle...yes a bottle...a baby bottle..it's been 3m now and I was soooo nervous about this...did tons of research to make sure my therapist wasn't nuts...made sure others out there had put older kids BACK on bedtime bottles for attachment....and it's been fabulous..giving him nurturing it missed out on..and bonding you only get once when your a tiny baby...and I learned tons how that 'dance' that feeding eye contact nurturing is SOOO important for human connection and how many of us just DO it....we remember the warm feelings with our birth kids...the smiles...the sweetness...but don't think about how propping up the bottle in a row of cribs while looking at that same ole ceiling, with no human to hold you, look at you and give you that 'baby talk' MIGHT affect you...and for Sammy it did...he LOVED it...I saw him just melt in my arms the first time...I could just see the that tiny baby just DYING to be held and loved on in his eyes...I cried so much those first few times..he.even said to me once "babies feel special love when they get their bottles"...and my therapist told me the time would be limited...he wouldn't 'graduate highschool taking the bottle' and he's already telling me he doesn't need it as much..not asking for it every night anymore....and he's different now when have 'bottle time'...more chatty...less 'baby sucking'...it's provided what he needed...and I'm SOOOO grateful for my brilliant therpist who really does know her stuff!!!

We have some work to do still...especially with our sibling relationship...but I want to celebrate this!!  Want to share THIS, because my heart feels this is something fabulous! and I've shared so much of the ups and downs...the hard work, the persistence...I REALLY see a change and it's soooo fabulous to feel like you've helped start some healing in a little heart that never deserved to be broke in first place....There have been time when I've felt so very defeated...so sad at what our decision to adopt has done to my relationships with many of those I love the most.  But this,  THIS is God's work...I feel the reward, inspired by my boys courage....inspired by my girls willingness to love uncondionly...

Feeling very blessed today...and hoping this makes sense as I type away at 4am after not being able to sleep all night from a migraine...sure this will need editing tomorrow...but also wanting to encourage those who visit for my 'keeping it real'....keep fighting...advocate for you child....take care of yourself, your family...the rewards COME...and celebrate when they do!!!!