As you know I am a 'keep it real mom', and this is a keep it real blog....I love my family, my children are the greatest gift I've been blessed with, but adoption is hard, raising five kids is hard. But it's defiently more fun than challenge.
But I'm also an advocator...and I don't think it's fair to just paint a picture of rainbows and butterflies of adoption...or life with adopted kids. Goodness knows if you want that, their are thousands of blogs to find out there with happy smiling kids and happy smiling captions! (no offense!! I LOVE them!)
Our lives have been a challenge the last year or so since our second adoption, but especially the last six months. I find my self riding a big roller coaster ranging from rock solid 'bad ass' to curl up in a ball 'I can't take this any more'. While, the storm seems to have setteled the last few months, I've found myself in a darkdark place the last month. I've had ALOT of prayer recently, some sleepless nights, a few pity parties...and then I've realized something big and wanted to share it with my other adoptive moms...
WHY WE NEED EACH OTHER!
Adopting a child is a risk, it's a leap of faith from day one...it's a HUGEHUGE journey. I never imagined how big and I'm more certain than ever we have only just begun. Not long ago I got very focused on our 'loss'. The friends that seem distant now or the ones we just don't see anymore... The family members who have just broke my heart, shocked me with their lack of interest, cruel words ect... How lonely I've felt at 'pretending'...grinning and smiling that all was well when I was really dealing with a child who has an attachment disorder and at times wears me down to the bone and how I have to reach down for every bit of strenght I have to care for my kids...one with SB, one with ADHD. How those around really don't seem to get it or care or want to get it that parenting adoptive kids IS different and we need DIFFERENT support.... Then through prayer I've relized this isn't loss, but really growth.
We changed, they didnt. How can I be angry, sad, lonley with them when this OUR jouney, OUR calling. Deep down I want them to be more open, more interested...but really....it wasn't their choice, it was ours. At times I was angry they didn't understand what it ment and how profound it was to us to be CALLED by God to do something...we didn't expect it to be easy...but we are humans, who feel tierd and frustrated and alone and want those who love us most to come to our rescue and give us a break, be understanding....and it's been hard for me to come to understand that there are some very important people in my life who AREN'T going to do that.....(a few DO try to their ability..)
I do have an 'internet support group'. I chat on adoption sites. I superficially share my stories and sometimes 'let it out'. We have a therapist for Sammy, and we have each other. But lets be honest, all of this is a strain on a marriage too, and while we do pretty well, there's ALOT my husband doesn't get because he's not here, and as those of you with attachment kids know...they give us mom's their very best and their very worst. I have a handful of adoption friends, but I'm prideful...I want to be 'supermom'. I share more with them than anyone else, but am I honest? AND I don't have real friends with attachement kids. SO I decided I'm starting a support group, I'm approaching my therapist who works locally with ALOT of attachment families...and I decide I'm pretty smart, pretty 'pro-active'..and .as I find myself slipping into depression at times the last month ...crying ALOT the last month...I decide I will 'fix it" 'What do I need?? What's missing?" 'I'll fix myself - because I'm a survivor, and to be honest it's my way...I try to 'fix myself' alot...
( WELL, I need a break too, but that's another story!! )
I had a 'playdate' planned yesterday with a dear friend Becky...one of my adoptive mom friends who since 2008 who has gotten to know the 'new me' better than most....and I wake up in 'melt down mode'.....my sweetsweet Sammy is having a horrid attachment day....he spits at his sister...literally tries to tear down the house....terrorizes his brother, the dog, ect to name a few......and I start crying about 8am...and I CANNOT STOP~~~ like, I have to cancel the dentist appointments CANNOT STOP....I call her and don't think I can come to the park CANNOT STOP....so what does she do?? Calls and emergency 'whine and cheese' party.....she calls two other adoptive moms that have also called her before in crisis , ones I know more casually....and she comes clean and tells them how difficult of time I'm having and how I really need support....one the mom's also has an attachement kid....and I come to the park anyway...tears and alll....and I get some VERY accepting hugs and support from mom's I really 'don't know that way'....and we laugh ALOT throught my stupid tears....and we swap stories about how we all feel totally insane somedays....and it was soooo liberating and such a blessing!! 19 kids...4 moms....
WE NEED EACH OTHER GIRLS!!! If you read this and you wish for this...find your support group....CREATE IT!!!